My destiny involves helping children discover the joys of reading and exploring life through the world of reading.  It is amazing how much you can learn about someone or something through reading about it.

A balanced life to me is a life that is lived in harmony.  You have your family that you enjoy and a job that you love and you will also have that time that you have to yourself .  Everything is flowing like it should there is not one area of your life that more consuming of your time than the other.  Let's face it when some part of your life is more consuming than the other areas you will most likely not be happy because parts of you are being neglected.

I feel confused. My marriage is headed for divorce and I find myslef wondering why am I EVEN here in the first place.  Marriages are supposed to be happy for the most part even though there will be some rough patches.  I have nothing, well I do I have my health and my strength, and my four beautiful children (who are the light of my life and the center of my joy) so I guess I do have something.  However financially I have nothing; no job; no money; no car withoout my husband I am royally screwed.  My advice to any women is to have your own when you enter into a marriage so if it comes down to you leaving you will definitely leave with something.  But anyway things will get better for me and hoplefully a blessing is waiting for me.

Let's see there are so many things that I have learned over the last few years, that I just don't know where to start.  Even though your parents try to warn you about some things, sometimes you just have to learn on your own the hard way.  For one I wish I had gone ahead and gotten myself established financial before I got married and had kids.  It is much easier to take care of a family and home when there is enough income that will allow you to do so.  I wish I had not destroyed my credit at such an early age, because I would not be struggling to pay for college right now.  Oh yeah, I wish I had gone ahead and finished college 6 years ago before I got married and had kids because going to school would not have been as stressful then.  But anyway there is no point in dwelling on the past; learn from you mistakes and don't just try to do better, but do better.  Because there is one thing about life, as you live it you become wiser (hopefully) and you learn from the past and grow mentally and spiritaully.

The best thing about getting older is the wisdom that is obtained through your life experience.  Life is a journey and it is important that you gain all that you can from your journey and pass that new found wisdom and knowledge along because someone else could benefit from it.

I don't know of any unanswerable questions.  I feel that all questions have answers. The only questions that have no answers are questions that you really do not want to answer, because you do not want to no the possible answer.  I could be wrong but hey its my opinion and that is the way that I feel. Even a so called rhetorical question has an answer!

Hmm...... my path in life has been very confusing.  You know how you might start a path thinking that you are going in the right direction.  You come upon a fork on the path and you don't know which path is the right so you just pick one hoping that it is the right one. Well just think about one path that leads to five different paths and you choose one that is wrong and you go back and start over, picking another and another until you happen to stumble upon the right one.  When you finally get to the right  path you are afraid to take it because you think that it is wrong as well. This has been my path in life for 10 years and I am still just as confused today as I was 10 years ago.

The emotion that I struggle with the most is self love. I struggle with it because I have always felt like the odd girl out. I did not have many friends during my childhood and none during my adulthood. I figured it was because there is something about me that people do not like but I have figured that it is becuase i lack confodence in myself and people know that and they try to get away from me as quickly as they can.

I love my body actually. However at one point I DIDN'T LIKE MY BODY. I gained alot of weight after I had my fourth child and I could not get rid of the excess weight no matter what i did. The weight probably did not decrease because I was not eating right and working out on the regular.  Anyway, I was depressed and mad because I was 5'3'' weighing 207 pds (not cute). I had never been that big in my life and it was a killer.  I was used to wearing whatever I liked and looking good in it. and of course when you are a little healthy the clothes get bigger and uglier and more expensive too. 
Finally in '05 I lost a whopping 50 pounds (YEAH) and I fell in love with my body again.  It was a lot of hard work and took a lot of effort on my part to eat right and continue an exercise regimen.  It was a major ego booster because I was able to buy cute sexy clothes again.  That was something that I thought that I would never do again.  I must admit it is tempting when you think about all of the wrong things that you can eat all the time, but I have remained strong (yielding to temptations sometimes) and have kept the weight off for about 3 years now. I LOVE MY BODY.

Today for some reason I am so happy and worry free, even though I have many troubles, they just are not bothering me today. Normally I am sad and weary about something and this is on an everyday basis. I am always stressing about something. But hay I will not complain because it feels good, to feel good for a change. I am going to try to keep this attitude(positive and happy). It feels much better than sad and depressed. Today and everyday from now on my theme is going to be DON'T WORRY, BE HAPPY.

If I could uninvent something it would be the metrosexual male. I can not stand a man who thinks that he is cuter than I am. Now that's scaaarrry!!!!

I don't think that I am an expert in anyting yet, simply because I am still learning and growing as an individual and I have not fully gotten what my true calling in life is so I am still searching for my area of expertise.

Let's see if I were given $1000 dollars i would probably take $300 of it and pay my tithes that I have been lacking on for the past month or so. Next, I would probably buy some food and donate it to the local soup kitchen.  It makes me feel goodd when I can bless someone with my blessing.

Honestly, I have never ran across a genuinely kind-hearted person.  It was always fake.

There are a lot of things that I would like to change in my life. Some more than others but they still recieve about the same attention from me because i want to change them all.

My Attitude or Way of Thinking
I need to change my attitude. I am not as negative and I constantly tell myself to be positive but I sometimes slip into that mode where I question, instead of believing, having faith, and a positive outlook. However, despite my  feelings of negativity about some things, they always turn out to be okay. Another thing that I would like to change about my attitude is the combative, defensive nature of my attitude. I always feel as if someone is trying or will try to disrespect or be little me. You know, say something uncalled for or attitudy (that one of my words that I have created) and I really just go off when I feel like some one is trying to screw with me.  I am a fairly happy person but I am like a ticking time bomb waiting to go off at any minute. When someone says or does something to piss me off I have no problem letting it be known. I have not always been like this but, for the past 2 years of so this has been me. What is up with it? I have no idea because I have always been this person that never let anything both me but here lately, nearly everyone will piss me off. 

Stop Being So Critical of My Spouse
I want to stop being so critical of my husband and become more understanding. I know that my constant criticizism of his past actions will not solve our relationship problems but it makes me feel better when I can throw up all the bad things that he has ever done to me and cause him to feel bad.  I know that it is wrong and sometimes I drive him away by doing this but I just can not help it. Deep sown it hurts but I always say what the hell.  Even though he has done wrong in the past, I am still with him and I feel that if I am giving another chance than i should wipe the slate clean and stop regurgitating old things. My husband has shown me that he can do right by me but I keep pushing him further and further away and I am afraid that one day he is going to go never to return.

Procrastination
Another thing that I want to change is my awfully bad habit of procrastination. Procrastination has played a very big part in the stresses of my life. It started with school; get assignments in late, waiting until the last minute to study, do homework, and it has began to spill over into every other aspect of my life.  I get behind with my housework forget to do little simple thing like, sign my childrens homework folder, even reminding them to do their homework. The procrastination makes me crazy because I tend to get behind with everything and I get overwhelmed and stressed and there seems to be no end to it all.
Well, there is an end, stop procrastinating and my problem will be solved.

Boy are old habits hard to break, it seems like the harder you try the more difficult it becomes. If I could just change these three things my life would be so much sweeter.

I feel most similar to........you know I don't think that I am very similar to anyone .  I like to think that I am my own person, with my own ideas, feelings and personality.

I would tell myself to hang in there because things are going to get better.  I would tell myself that I should not be so hard on myself and to try my best at school and not to give up. I woud also tell myself not to make it easy for my husband, that should give tough love.

Actually I have not chosen my profile picture because I have not put any pictures up. I just have the little icon that came on the website.